Snow is no obstacle

The recent winter storm has afforded all of us the opportunity to do what we do best – get on the road in our four-wheel-drive SUVs and conquer the snow drifts. The following is some advice from those who have already taken on this task. They are passing on their wisdom for the benefit of everyone else.

1. Be sure your tires are large enough for a small sports car to slide over the ice underneath your vehicle and appear on the other side unscathed. That way, when those pesky little cars get in your way you can mow over them and get out of being held responsible for your actions.

2. After you've entered the vehicle and adjusted it to the desired interior temperature, remember to remove your gloves. That way others who go too slow and get in your way will actually see the bird you're flipping in their direction as you speed by leaving them in a wake of flying snow and ice.

3. When you feel the need to add gas to your vehicle be sure and fill both your regular tank and the backup. However, be aware of the myth about how this will limit your need to fill up again soon. After all, you have purchased an SUV that gets only 4.2 miles to the gallon.

4. Don't be concerned about road conditions. Come on. You have four-wheel-drive.

5. Last but not least, discount all the naysayers who insist that SUVs are a menace on the road during snowy weather. You know the truth. It's wild SUV drivers that are the menace, not the SUVs themselves. And you are perfectly sane.