2008 Woodie Awards
Chuck Shepherd's News of the Weird
Issue date: 2/22/07 Section: Campus News
Cows dine better than most steak-eaters
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teaks from Waygu cattle in western Australia were already revered by gourmets worldwide (noted for their marbling), but recently an exporter went a step further: The choice grains fed the cattle are now being soaked in a 2004 cabernet merlot, according to a January dispatch from Sydney in London’s Sunday Telegraph. "Our biggest problem is going to be meeting demand," said the managing director of Margaret River Premium Meat Exports, even though the best cuts of steak might run the equivalent of about US$90. Plans are to feed each cow a liter’s worth of wine daily during its last 60 days.
News That Sounds Like a Joke
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lorida state Sen. Gary Siplin was convicted in August of grand theft for paying employees state funds to work on his re-election campaign, but according to senate rules, he retains his office while his case is on appeal. The first bill Siplin introduced for the new legislative session in January would make it easier under state law for convicted felons to have their voting rights restored.T
he Mexican government is scheduled to consider, as early as March, a proposal from its states’ migrant assistance offices to hand out satellite-tracking devices to its citizens who plan to emigrate illegally to the United States, so that they could be located in case of emergency after crossing the border. Skeptics, according to a January report in the San Antonio Express-News, wondered how vigorously the U.S. Border Patrol would assist in rescues.
Doctors Gone Bad
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he British General Dental Council found David Quelch guilty in January of professional misconduct for pulling two teeth of a patient, against her will, without anesthesia, because she had complained about previous treatments. He supposedly said, "That’ll teach you ..." However, the patient at Romania’s Panduri Urology Hospital was not at fault (according to United Press International, from a January story in Bucharest’s Sunday Telegram) when surgeon Naum Ciomu lost his temper at his own sloppiness and chopped off a 36-year-old man’s penis. Ciomu later admitted that he had overreacted.
Least Competent Criminals
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ccording to police in Hartselle, Ala., Daniel Brown, 22, wore a ski mask to hide his identity from his grandfather when he staged a home invasion-robbery in January, but when he burst in, he yelled, "I need your money, and I mean it, Pa-Paw." (Nonetheless, when arrested, Brown denied that he was the man behind the mask.)G
lenn Vickers, 53, allegedly intoxicated, wildly tailgated a driver in January on Interstate 64 that happened to be Kanawha County, W.Va., sheriff Mike Rutherford in an unmarked car. After jockeying behind Rutherford for a while, Vickers peeled off at an exit and flipped Rutherford the finger, but immediately crashed into a guardrail.I
n 2003, Bryn Mawr College student Janet Lee had apparently not watched enough movies or television to understand that drug smugglers often use condoms (swallowed by human "mules") to get cocaine and heroin into the country. Lee attempted to board an airliner with several flour-filled condoms that she said her classmates and she employed to squeeze as stress relievers. She was astonished to be arrested at the Philadelphia airport and jailed for three weeks until the lab could verify that the substance was flour. In January 2007, the city of Philadelphia agreed to pay her $180,000 for wrongful detention.
Recurring Themes
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I was six when I first became aware of my desire to lose my legs," wrote "Susan Smith" in London’s The Guardian in January. "The image I have of myself has always been one without legs." News of the Weird has reported several times on people with "body identity integrity disorder" (apotemnophilia), which leads them to remove one or more limbs (or men their scrota). The worst part, said "Smith," was having to kill her leg, by freezing it in dry ice for at least four hours (she tried twice before it succumbed to an infection), because surgeons cannot ethically amputate a healthy limb. (A 1998 News of the Weird story involved a de-licensed San Diego surgeon who illegally removed limbs of needy men.)B
ritain’s National Phobics Society said in November it would launch a campaign to help the estimated 4 million people in the U.K. who are fearful of using public restrooms. According to the NPS, in serious cases, sufferers intentionally avoid liquids and even deprive themselves of good jobs because the workplace restroom situation is unsatisfactory. "It’s certainly no laughing matter," said a spokesman.
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